One Month...

...since I last spoke to him.
One month since I made the decision to love myself more.
One month since I promised myself to keep this promise and NOT CAVE!
One month since I last told him I love you.
One month of wondering whether or not he's thought of me
and knowing that I've thought of him almost daily.
One month seems surreal on one level,
and yet a drop in the bucket on another.
If you looked up stubborn in the dictionary, you'd see a shining picture of my smiling face.
I can keep this shit up for as long as it takes... I am worth it.
Bring it on Muddy, bring it on.

I'm just tired

Yes I'm back yet again. My wife came home from the hospital last night. I am glad that she is back home, but I just want to run away. It's not that I don't want to take care of her or help her recover from her surgery it's just the stress of it all. You see, my wife's mother whom I refuse to refer to as my MIL as I no longer consider her "family", decided that my wife's father needed to come home and take care of my wife after her surgery. Now, I've been the one taking care of her every day since they decided to up and move to Florida. There has never been a problem and I've always been the one who was up with her when she was sick, etc. It just pisses me off that the one time that she has something major that she needs to recover from I'm suddenly not capable of taking care of her on my own. Where the hell are they all the other times? Oh, that's right they're at the beach in Florida!!!!

Her mother says that he should come take care of her so I "don't miss too much work" and I don't have to "use my vacation time" to take care of her. Plus, both of her parents have had the same exact surgery that she went in for therefore they know what she needs & how she will be feeling and since I don't apparently I'm not capable of taking care of her. I'm so fucking pissed off!! I'm even more upset that she let's them treat me this way and she doesn't even realize what the hell is going on. Of course she just sees it as them trying to help out, but I see it as another way for her mother to control another aspect of her life.

I think that I just need some time away from her and away from her family. I need time to myself to figure out exactly how I'm feeling and whether or not I can continue to live my life in second place. I hoped that it would change, but after seven years nothing has changed. She still puts her mother over me and ALWAYS takes her side, but says that she supports me. I just don't know what to do ...