Just Wanted To Say...

...that I honestly have more pride in the brave women who have joined me to vent their innermost feelings here in this forum, than I've had in anyone or anything in a long time.

Sure, we all post anonymously, big deal. Most people can't even do even that!
Most women, sadly, bottle up their feelings & frustrations until they consume them from the inside out.
That's just sad.
I know there are other forums such as 'post secret' and 'TWC', both of which I enjoy checking out from time to time, however, this forum, our forum, allows the writer the freedom of posting when they want, saying what they feel and most importantly, knowing that their post made the short trip from their innermost thoughts to the electronic page without so much as one go-between.
The other forums, sadly, cannot boast such a freedom.
Each one, although interesting in their own right, requires the writer to 'submit' their secret and/or confession & wait.
Wait for said information to arrive in a PO box, or wait for it to suddenly magically appear in cyberspace.
I like knowing that my co-authors set their own hours, make their own rules, and decide when & how to share whatever it is they're needing to get off their chest.

Ladies, I just wanted to take this moment to tell you all that I do believe this is the start of something much bigger than all of us and I'm beyond proud to have you all along for the ride, wherever it may take us.

VENT ON!

Mt. Everest

What do I really hope to gain by posting in this forum?
Won't at least one of you now know who I am... is nothing
sacred anymore? Coming out of this abyss of my divorce,
searching for my identity amidst turmoil and confusion (alas,
I didn't mention I lost that first daughter, 2 months shy of
referral, or that my mom died 8 months after he said he wanted
to leave)... it's an insurmountable task. I read this book,
late I know, called "Into Thin Air"... and I remember my sister telling
me, "It's like climbing a mountain, it's the hardest thing you will
ever do, and you will feel like you can't breathe, and you will
want to give up and let yourself come crashing to the bottom,
and sometimes, that will happen even when you don't choose it...
but I tell you, YOU will reach the top... and you will be amazed at
your strength, and the reserve you never knew you had".

So, what she failed to tell me is that this is Everest... this mountain's
peak is at the cruising altitude of some aircraft... this mountain has
taken lives...

So, the book. It was about this horrific climb, a guided one in fact, and
the loss of several people and how horrific their deaths were. Funny, it
wasn't a depressing book at all. I actually wished I was physically equipped
for it- could withstand sub zero temperatures, almost zero oxygen, hurricane
winds, frostbite, excruciating pain and numbness. Cuz then I wouldn't
have to feel any of this, right here, in this place.

To My "Mother in Law"

I hate you. I think that you are a vindictive, controlling, manipulating person. The fact that you concern yourself with EVERYTHING that goes on in your childrens lives even though they are GROWN adults is irritating. Then you go and cry poor me when it comes back to bite you in the ass! My BIL's ex gf wrote a skathing blog about me and I sent you an email telling you that it's basically your fault it's escalated to this because you chose to ignore the situation in the first place! Had you taken the time to reply to my e-mail or even acknowledge what I had to say I wouldn't have been SO pissed off. Now, you're going around telling people you don't know what to do and that you "barely talks to your daughter as it is". That's complete bullshit! You talk to her at least once every day. Could you please make me look like more of an asshole to everyone???

Yesterday I get a friend request from my other BIL - yes the one who passed away over a year ago. Funny, I don't think he's sending me myspace messages from the beyond! No, it's YOU trying to get access to my profile to see what I have on there because it's set as private. Why you ask? Because said ex gf went crying to you about all the horrible things I was writing about her. Yet, she can't see my profile either cause it's PRIVATE. What is the deal with people being so concerned about what everyone else is doing? You're fifty years old for crying out loud! Get a damn life already!

The worst part of all of this is that it has caused a HUGE rift in my marriage because I've had enough and I don't want to be a part of the "family" anymore. Nor, do I want anything to do with any of them. However, my wife says that I can't pick and chose which parts of her life I am a part of so it's all or nothing. So, apparently my feelings aren't as important as hers so I should just suffer? I should pretend that everything is fine and that I don't HATE them all??? Oh yes, I'm sure vacations and holidays will be pure bliss. I just can't do it and I may lose my wife because of it. I'm sure that would make her mother SO happy she'd probably piss herself.

I just don't know what to do anymore ...

Guys Suck

It's so unfair that I still think about my x. He broke up with me and I still want him back. It's been about 9 months now and I still miss him, even though I'm dating someone else. Isn't getting another boyfriend supposed to help you get over the x and forget about him. Instead it emphasizes the fact that my x was a great boyfriend. He's the one that is supposed to come to this realization, I already new this. He's the one that is supposed to see that I was a great girlfriend and that we were meant for each other. He's supposed to be sorry that he lost me. He's the one that is supposed to want to get back together. I'm supposed to find someone better than him so I can rub it in his face. I'm supposed to make him jealous. It isn't fair. He's supposed to come back to me. I feel kinda bad about having a boyfriend because part of the reason I'm with hims is so that if it ever comes up with my x I can rub it in his face that I have someone. But this guy isn't the one. I know this, I don't know if he knows it, but I do. I still think my x is the one. I talk to him sometimes on the internet. It doesn't really help. But there are times when I don't even think about him for weeks and I'll wake up in the middle of the night wanting to cry because I was having a dream about him crying and praying to God that we would get back together. I don't cry about him when I'm awake anymore, only in my dreams. Why am I the one that is haunted by him? He should be the one regretting breaking up with me. He should be the one who's dreams are haunted. I hate that I'm not completely over him yet. I don't want to feel like this anymore. I want to get over him, I want this to stop. I want him to not be able to get over me. I want him to realize that he made the biggest mistake in his life when he broke up with me.

All I have to say is GUYS SUCK!

for the love of all that is holy!

After having a fabulous day yesterday my wife decides to start this conversation:

Wife: how much do you know about loans?
Me: A bit, why?
wife: Can someone use thier car to secure a loan?
Me: I guess it depends on the bank. If you own the car outright. Why are your parents thinking of getting a loan?
Wife: No, my mom asked me to take out a loan for her.


ummmm ... WHAT THE FUCK?! Granted, we're not poor, but we're not exactly swimming in the money!!! Not to mention that my wife's credit is FINALLY getting back to a semi-normal level after paying off her credit cards for the past 10 years!!! There is absolutely NO way that we're taking out a loan for her parents!! We barely have the money to cover our monthly bills. Not to mention that the entire reason that we're trying to pay off her credit cards is so we can refinance the house!!!

Long story short - my brother in law's (the one I actually liked) fiancee's mother co-signed a loan for him to get a car. He defaulted, car got repossessed. Now she's trying to refi her house and there is a problem w/ the bank b/c they can't find any record of the repossession which is a bunch of bullshit and they're trying to screw her. Now, my brother in law died almost 2 years ago and my MIL said she was going to pay her back for the loan with his life insurance money. Apparently she didn't do that so now she wants us to take out a loan to take care of all this bullshit. My wife feels bad for her mother because she has to deal with all these issues. I understand feeling bad, but we can't afford to help her!!!!!!!

My wife is such a pussy. She lets her mother influence her life WAAAAAY too much. She depends on her mother and has to ask her opinion for EVERYTHING. She needs to fucking stand up to her mother for once instead of allowing her to guilt her into doing something else!! I'm sick of dealing with all this bullshit because of it! Grow some balls, damn it!

Bitching about MEN!

So! I have been married for almost 9 years (OMG) and we have children. For some reason I cannot get him to be more involved with them. I mean he can bitch at me for I DONT cook supper for when he comes home BUT I do look after the kids all day while he works....when he works..to me that is his break????

I think he may have bathed them twice in their lives.....it is *my* job to do with everything else. I know he works hard but the kids are in bed at 7-730pm and he is home at 5pm and thats not giving him a whole lot of time to be with them.

Lately I am making ( Not making but kind of) LOL! him lay down with our oldest child so he is able to spend more time with her. I just feel that he would rather me do EVERYTHING....

Good points about dh:
cooks supper everynight.
helps keep the house clean......
many more but dont feel like listing them.

So folks! Am I wrong to feel this way??????????????????? I sometimes feel like a single mom with 2 kids.

ok so after all the shit happened with my brother in law & his psycho ex gf or whatever the hell she is I decided to write an e-mail to all of them and explain what actually happened rather than just go along with the half story psycho bitch was telling everyone. So, I sent the e-mail to my mother-in-law, brother-in-law, psycho bitch and my wife so that way everyone got the same story and we wouldn't have to repeat ourselves over and over again about what was actually written. So, psycho bitch read it first and forwarded it to my MIL at work because for some reason it couldn't wait until she got home from work. So my MIL tells the psycho bitch to "just let it go" and ignore my e-mail. She goes on to say that she and my father in law have already formed their opinions about how they feel abouth both me and the psycho bitch. Then proceeds to tell her that they consider her part of the family. So, basically she's taking her side to "keep the peace" so they can have a realtionship with their grand daughter. Psycho bitch is the type of person to use the kid against you if you're not nice to her for if she's pissed off at you. In my e-mail I called the psycho bitch out and basically told the entire story including what she was telling me rather than the story she's been telling everyone which only includes what I said cause that's how pyscho drama craving bitches are. Well, my mother in law reads the email and then goes onto my brother in laws email (they are on the same AOL account) and DELETES it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ya, you read that right. She went and DELETED the fucking email I sent him DEFENDING myself and telling the TRUTH!!!!! Who fucking does that?! A CONTROLING situation manipulating bitch. The worst part is that my wife relentlessly defends her mother. ALL OF THE TIME and it's so fucking annoying!!!!!!

The worst part is that next week is my wife's birthday and her douchebag of a brother is going to be at our house for a few HOURS. I'm going to go fucking nuts and choke him!!!!