SDF's...
...SMALL DOSE FRIENDS!
We all have em'- those friends we love to love, but from a distance typically
& in short stints rather than lengthy visits, yes?
Well hell, YES because that's my VENT tonight!
First, let me start off by saying, I love ALL MY FRIENDS!
*honest*
However, there are some that, had they lived closer
or were regular callers to me on a daily basis...
...I'D SHOOT MYSELF!
*I don't even own a gun but I'D SURE AS HELL FIND A WAY TO GET ONE!*
I'm friendly with everyone & I have yet to meet someone who I thought,
ugh, I can't be friends with him/her...
BUT
the friends who I have who truly PISS ME OFF TO NO END
are the ones I like to refer to as my :
SMALL DOSE FRIENDS!
(henceforth known as SDF's.)
The ones that, we talk but once a week, IF THAT,
and even THAT conversation can sometimes be touch & go!
Say the wrong thing, imply something they didn't anticipate & BAM, pissy attitude that I want nothing more to do with than to simply HANG UP ON & continue with my day/night.
Is that so wrong?
C'mon, I know for a fucking fact that I AM TYPICALLY 'THAT FRIEND' TO MOST PEOPLE!
They all love me, especially when I cook for them, but I usually end up being THEIR SMALL DOSE FRIEND, so it goes without saying that I can sure as hell vent about mine if they can have me as theirs... yes?
YES!!!
So, let's run down the SDF list, shall we?
(get a beverage, this is gonna be a read...)
SDF #1: we'll call her 'WOUND SOTIGHT' drives me MENTAL &
God bless her, she's a doll, truly she is but
OMG, SOMETIMES IF SHE WERE CLOSE & PERHAPS A PORCELIAN DOLL,
I'D SMASH HER TO PIECES WITH A HAMMER!
She is NEVER chill or relax, ALWAYS READY TO POP A VEIN IN HER HEAD and NEVER without a HUGE DRAMA HAPPENING AT THAT VERY MOMENT THAT SHE'S CALLED YOU! SOMEONE'S ON FIRE, MY ARM FELL OFF, I CAN'T DEAL WITH LIFE, I AM A SO & SO WITH NO SUCH & SUCH ETC...
HOLY FUCKING CHRIST, SIT DOWN, HAVE A COOKIE & SOME MILK &
C
H
I
L
L
!
(never gonna happen, I digress...)
Oh, and for the record, talking to SDF #1 is never an actual conversation, as she DOES NOT LET YOU GET ONE WORD IN EDGEWISE... she's the queen of the 'TALK OVER' but that's a post for another day.
shhh, did I just say that?
OOPS!
NOT!
Next we have SDF #2, well call 'NEEDY BIOTCH'...
the girl NEVER has anything FUN & LIGHT to talk about, EVER!
It's always 'oh woe is me, I'm so alone, I'm so sad, I have no man, I have no friends, nobody loves me, nobody wants me, I'm going to die alone..."
(excuse me whilst I go HANG MYSELF!)
GOD WOMAN!
Don't you realize that when ALL YOU DO IS TALK LIKE THAT THAT YOU'RE MAKING PEOPLE NOT WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? DON'T YOU? EVEN A LITTLE BIT SEE THAT? SERIOUSLY, YOU DON'T!?
My LORD!
(sadly, God has no part in this, I've asked him for help on her before, not an answer in sight...)
And last but certainly not least, we'll call to your attention SDF #3, I'll lovingly deem:
SIL.
*you're smart, FIGURE IT OUT!*
She just pisses me off, PERIOD.
When my phone rings & I see SDF SIL on the caller id, I cringe.
It's never a 'conversation' it's never a 'chat' it's never ANYTHING MORE THAN THIS:
'Ummmmmmmm Barefoot? Ummmmmmm welllllllll I wasssss wonderingggggggg, wellllllllll, Ummmmmmmm, I wanted to maybe askkkkkkkk you a quuuuuesssssssssstionnnnnnnnnnn, ummmmmmm about, wellllllll... etc etc, HOLY FUCK etc.."
IF I COULD REACH THROUGH THE PHONE, GRAB HER BY HER NECK & SHAKE HER VIOLENTLY... oh, I'd SO DO IT!
That would be my super power, if I could have one, that's what I'd want AND OMG I'D USE IT!
The girl wants to pretend to be my friend...
*she's not, we hate each other*
she 'wants' to ask me a 'question'
BUT NEVER ACTUALLY FUCKING GETS AROUND TO DOING IT!
So I'm left with allot of Ummmmmmmmmmmmmm's and Weeellllllllllllllll's and Sooooooooo's etc.....
JESUS MARY & JOSEPH CAN'T SOMEONE CUT THIS BAREFOOT BITCH A BREAK IN THE SDF DEPT?
Anyone?
Anyone?
Bueller?
Bueller?
Oooh, now there's an idea, I'll go watch a little Ferris Bueller's Day Off & take my phone off the hook, if only for those 102 minutes of peace & SDF quiet!
*Ahhhhhhhh*
I'm relaxed just thinking about it...
We all have em'- those friends we love to love, but from a distance typically
& in short stints rather than lengthy visits, yes?
Well hell, YES because that's my VENT tonight!
First, let me start off by saying, I love ALL MY FRIENDS!
*honest*
However, there are some that, had they lived closer
or were regular callers to me on a daily basis...
...I'D SHOOT MYSELF!
*I don't even own a gun but I'D SURE AS HELL FIND A WAY TO GET ONE!*
I'm friendly with everyone & I have yet to meet someone who I thought,
ugh, I can't be friends with him/her...
BUT
the friends who I have who truly PISS ME OFF TO NO END
are the ones I like to refer to as my :
SMALL DOSE FRIENDS!
(henceforth known as SDF's.)
The ones that, we talk but once a week, IF THAT,
and even THAT conversation can sometimes be touch & go!
Say the wrong thing, imply something they didn't anticipate & BAM, pissy attitude that I want nothing more to do with than to simply HANG UP ON & continue with my day/night.
Is that so wrong?
C'mon, I know for a fucking fact that I AM TYPICALLY 'THAT FRIEND' TO MOST PEOPLE!
They all love me, especially when I cook for them, but I usually end up being THEIR SMALL DOSE FRIEND, so it goes without saying that I can sure as hell vent about mine if they can have me as theirs... yes?
YES!!!
So, let's run down the SDF list, shall we?
(get a beverage, this is gonna be a read...)
SDF #1: we'll call her 'WOUND SOTIGHT' drives me MENTAL &
God bless her, she's a doll, truly she is but
OMG, SOMETIMES IF SHE WERE CLOSE & PERHAPS A PORCELIAN DOLL,
I'D SMASH HER TO PIECES WITH A HAMMER!
She is NEVER chill or relax, ALWAYS READY TO POP A VEIN IN HER HEAD and NEVER without a HUGE DRAMA HAPPENING AT THAT VERY MOMENT THAT SHE'S CALLED YOU! SOMEONE'S ON FIRE, MY ARM FELL OFF, I CAN'T DEAL WITH LIFE, I AM A SO & SO WITH NO SUCH & SUCH ETC...
HOLY FUCKING CHRIST, SIT DOWN, HAVE A COOKIE & SOME MILK &
C
H
I
L
L
!
(never gonna happen, I digress...)
Oh, and for the record, talking to SDF #1 is never an actual conversation, as she DOES NOT LET YOU GET ONE WORD IN EDGEWISE... she's the queen of the 'TALK OVER' but that's a post for another day.
shhh, did I just say that?
OOPS!
NOT!
Next we have SDF #2, well call 'NEEDY BIOTCH'...
the girl NEVER has anything FUN & LIGHT to talk about, EVER!
It's always 'oh woe is me, I'm so alone, I'm so sad, I have no man, I have no friends, nobody loves me, nobody wants me, I'm going to die alone..."
(excuse me whilst I go HANG MYSELF!)
GOD WOMAN!
Don't you realize that when ALL YOU DO IS TALK LIKE THAT THAT YOU'RE MAKING PEOPLE NOT WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? DON'T YOU? EVEN A LITTLE BIT SEE THAT? SERIOUSLY, YOU DON'T!?
My LORD!
(sadly, God has no part in this, I've asked him for help on her before, not an answer in sight...)
And last but certainly not least, we'll call to your attention SDF #3, I'll lovingly deem:
SIL.
*you're smart, FIGURE IT OUT!*
She just pisses me off, PERIOD.
When my phone rings & I see SDF SIL on the caller id, I cringe.
It's never a 'conversation' it's never a 'chat' it's never ANYTHING MORE THAN THIS:
'Ummmmmmmm Barefoot? Ummmmmmm welllllllll I wasssss wonderingggggggg, wellllllllll, Ummmmmmmm, I wanted to maybe askkkkkkkk you a quuuuuesssssssssstionnnnnnnnnnn, ummmmmmm about, wellllllll... etc etc, HOLY FUCK etc.."
IF I COULD REACH THROUGH THE PHONE, GRAB HER BY HER NECK & SHAKE HER VIOLENTLY... oh, I'd SO DO IT!
That would be my super power, if I could have one, that's what I'd want AND OMG I'D USE IT!
The girl wants to pretend to be my friend...
*she's not, we hate each other*
she 'wants' to ask me a 'question'
BUT NEVER ACTUALLY FUCKING GETS AROUND TO DOING IT!
So I'm left with allot of Ummmmmmmmmmmmmm's and Weeellllllllllllllll's and Sooooooooo's etc.....
JESUS MARY & JOSEPH CAN'T SOMEONE CUT THIS BAREFOOT BITCH A BREAK IN THE SDF DEPT?
Anyone?
Anyone?
Bueller?
Bueller?
Oooh, now there's an idea, I'll go watch a little Ferris Bueller's Day Off & take my phone off the hook, if only for those 102 minutes of peace & SDF quiet!
*Ahhhhhhhh*
I'm relaxed just thinking about it...
3 comments:
I think that EVERYONE has a SDF, I also think EVERYONE is a SDF.
As soon as I started reading this I could place my SDF's! How true it is!!
Too funny! You put into words what everyone has been feeling but never saying. We all have them. My SIL is so sweet - but when you are talking about something, she literally reads your lips and finishes every sentence as you are saying it....so bizarre! Just let me talk!!!
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