Epiphany?

Ok so, as I've blogged before, I've been having some issues with a particular girl. Said girl has been a giant pain in my ass for months causing numerous issues with myself and my family. Unfortunately I have to deal with this girl because she is our niece's mother. Now, last Friday I sent her an e-mail telling her what we had bought our niece for Christmas. Keep in mind that we haven't seen our niece at all over the last two months because her mother doesn't like me therefore we weren't "allowed" to be a part of her life. Anywho, back to my story .. I email her and Friday, a one word email saying hey this is what we bought just so no one else buys it for her.

I don't expect a reply and if I do get a reply from her it is usually a bitchy one. She replies and is nice as pie which is completely off character for her given all the shit she's done. She proceeds to ask me how our Thanksgiving was and goes on about how she hopes we had a great day. I'm thinking ummm ... what do you want? Then she asks if we can "work something out" so that we can see our niece. Now, my first response is - what happened? Why is she being so nice? Did someone say something to her?

I confer with my MIL and GrandMIL and ask them if they know anything. It turns out that my niece, as an Open House project for school, had to draw a family portrait in which she drew her parents, herself and my daughter. My niece absolutely ADORES my daughter. We have always taken her since she was born. We've spent a lot of time with her and we've been very close to her and she has been very close to us. Then, all of a sudden, she wasn't allowed to see us anymore not because of anything we had done, but because her mother doesn't like me. We've never done anything bad to our niece. We've never done anything to give this girl a reason for her to deny us from seeing our niece.

Now, she's apologizing left and right for keeping our niece from us. She says that she realized that she was only hurting her own daughter, myself, my wife and my daughter simply because she was allowing her feelings to dictate her actions. Now, I've been telling her that all along. I've been telling her that the only person she was hurting with her immaturity was her daughter. I'm still very skeptical about this sudden change of attitude. I know from past experience that she almost always has an ulterior motive for her actions. I am hoping (with my fingers crossed) that she actually did realize she was hurting her daughter by keeping her from her family who loves and adores her.

I'm not sure how to handle this sudden change of attitude. We've made plans for us to take our niece next weekend. I'm still afraid that she'll do a 180 and change her mind right before we're supposed to pick her up.

Is she genuinely upset with herself for her actions or does she have an ulterior motive? I just don't know how to read this one ....

Advice?????

The Law of Karma...

... In Buddhist teaching, the law of karma, says only this:
`for every event that occurs, there will follow another event
whose existence was caused by the first,
and this second event will be pleasant or unpleasant
according as its cause was skillful or unskillful.'
A skillful event is one that is not accompanied by craving,
resistance or delusions;
an unskillful event is one that is accompanied by any one of those things.
(aka:AGENDA)
(Events are not skillful in themselves,
but are so called only in virtue of the mental events that occur with them.)

Therefore,
the law of Karma teaches that responsibility for unskillful actions
is born by the person who commits them.

I wonder to myself if, although this is true, he even knows of it's truth
and/or it's effect it's currently having on both our lives,
be they separate for the time being.

If he can't feel it, how is it that I can't escape it?

Guess I'll have to refer to the old adage:
"boys will be boys..."
even if the boy in question, on paper, is actually an adult.

And if that's where I'm headed,
does that then mean that I should follow through with another old favorite?
"Sticks & stones... etc." ?

Thanks Muddy, but personally I'll pass on your 'games'
Since it takes two to play,
you're on your own & have been for over 3 months.
By the way, how's that game going? Tough to play solo isn't it?
Nah, I'd rather spend my time more constructively...
meditating.
Lord knows SOMEONE should!

And don't worry, I'd never hate you, I don't have it in me to hate...
...all you have to do is apologize & who knew that THAT would be the most difficult thing in the world for you.
For most men...

...why is that?
Will a man,
any man who happens upon this post,
PLEASE comment with an answer?!

I'm truly intrigued...

Doing my part to help!

So, there's been this girl who has been stalking me via myspace for months. Obviously she's jealous and wishes she had my life. I've made my profile private, blocked her from contacting me, etc. Silly me thought that I could add my brother in law and actually talk to him. However, psycho bitch had his password and used his account to get to my page. Whatever no big deal it's not like there's anything on there that I wouldn't say to her face. The problem is that this douchebag who obviously has no life went and reported every single picture I had of myself, my wife and my daughter with our niece who happens to share the same dna with this giant douchebag. So, every single picture that was on my page that included my niece was deleted from my account because it was reported as "inappropriate".

Now, why would someone go to all this trouble you ask? Simply because when she stole pictures off of my page before I made it private and used them on her own page, I reported her. So, now she's doing everything possible to piss me off. I've been ignoring her for MONTHS. I've been ignoring her comments, her bullshit, but no more! She wants to start shit, bring it on! I'm not keeping my mouth shut anymore. She'll soon learn not to play games with a bitch who knows how to play them better!!!

Hopefully she'll drop off the planet and my life would be that much better :) However, I don't see that happening ...

Too bad!

Mister Negativity Ooozes His Charm

My daughters father is my EX for a reason. He is selfish, insensitive, unmotivated, and reeks of negativity. Being my EX, you would think that I would only have to deal with those behaviors on a as needed basis, like when I have to deal with him regarding our child. But, noooooo, our child has inherited her fathers negative personality and it drives me absolutely insane!! " I can't do it, I won't do it, It's too hard, I won't like it, I won't try, etc, etc". I reinforce the positive, praise any and all effort, and just when I think I am making headway. BAM! We fall right back into the negative slump again. Every other weekend is far too much time spent in his mist if you ask me, but hey I have to do what the judge says.


Tonight we had a 2 hour skate party for the softball team. First she said I don't want to go because I can't skate. Once she got there she was willing to try, for all of 5 seconds. Then started the I can't won't, too hard, etc., through bouts of tears. After removing and reapplying the skates three times she finally started to enjoy herself. I think OK, we made it, got past the negativity, she tried, she's having fun, pheeww, it's almost over.Then I went and did it! I let her know that there is 10 minutes of skate time left before the party is over, she promptly lands on the floor, whips the skates off, and starts crying again. "I don't want to leave,but if I have to then I'm not going to skate at all anymore, etc., etc.". (sigh) Negative outburts. OK lets go.


So as I was driving home with my 7, yes I said 7 and not 3, year old and start to drive home I ponder how I can I get him to see that he oozes his negativity into his daughters life and ultimately ruins what should be a fun time. Then it came to me! Oh, wait..that's illegal. OH I KNOW! I am going to sue him! I am going to drag him to court for being a miserable @$$hole. I want damages dam it! I want monetary compensation for pain and suffering! I want him to have to get a tattoo on his forehead that says GRADE A @$$HOLE so people can see him coming and avoid allowing him to ruin their day too! Hell, while I am at it, I want to get all those jerks on the road who blow a stop sign then flip me off one of those tattoos too! Maybe if his daughter sees the tattoo on his forehead she will make the connection that he behaves badly and not try to emulate him.


(Deep breathes) OK I feel better now. Tomorrow is another day. More positive reinforcement, you can if you tries, think positive, way to go, good job, and lots of love and affection. Maybe I will stop by the local court house and ask the clerk if I can sue someone for being an @$$hole and tell her what I want for compensation just to see her reaction. (grin)

DANE COOK...

...OR SEX TOY?
One in the same if you ask me!
That boy is DELISH with a capital HOT DAMN!
Not only is he a funny ass bastard, he's just yummy to look at!
The way he moves & how he talks & his freshly mussed 'just out of bed' lookin' mop-O-hair,
GOOD LORD SIGN MY ASS UP FOR SOME OF THAT!
Sorry, just needed to share...
now where's a girl's care package when she needs it?!

BAW CHICKA WAH WOWWWWWWW!!!!

*evilgrin*

A Letter To Management:

To Whom It May Concern,

I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

I do physical labor I work at great depths

I plunge head first into everything I do

I do not get weekends off or public holidays

I work in a damp environment

I don't get paid overtime

I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation

I work in high temperatures

My work exposes me to contagious diseases

I'd appreciate a timely response in this matter.

-Penis

Dear Penis,

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised,

the administration rejects your request for the following reasons :

You do not work 8 hours straight

You fall asleep on the job after brief work period

You do not always follow the orders of the management team

You do not stay in your allocated position, and often visit other areas

You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working

You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift

You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing

You'll retire well before reaching 65

You're unable to work double shifts

You sometimes leave your allocated position before you have completed the day's work. And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and leaving the workplace carrying 2 suspicious looking bags.

Sincerely,

-Management

Miss Manners

I have a problem and I need some advice. My biggest pet peeve in the world is when I take the time out of my day to send someone and email, whether it's to just say hi, or to sent over something I found that I thought the other person may be interested in, and I get no reply. People are busy, I know this. But if I can find 2 minuets to send an email, and the recipient can take the 30secs to read it...why can't he/she find 2 minuets to reply. I'm not looking for War and Peace of replies, just a "Hey I"m busy I'll catch up later" or " That was cool thanks for thinking of me". If these people have the time to update personal websites, shouldn't they have the time for me. Or are they trying to tell me something.?? Maybe I"m not as important to them as they are too me. Am I trying to hold onto friendships that aren't there. It breaks my heart that someday Mikhail will look at pictures and say "Who is that" to people I always thought would be included in his life, even from a distance. God knows I have been guilty of not replying sometimes, but there seem to be repeat offenders. So what do I do. Do I try to keep the fires of friendship burning, or do I snuff them out and move on?

One Month...

...since I last spoke to him.
One month since I made the decision to love myself more.
One month since I promised myself to keep this promise and NOT CAVE!
One month since I last told him I love you.
One month of wondering whether or not he's thought of me
and knowing that I've thought of him almost daily.
One month seems surreal on one level,
and yet a drop in the bucket on another.
If you looked up stubborn in the dictionary, you'd see a shining picture of my smiling face.
I can keep this shit up for as long as it takes... I am worth it.
Bring it on Muddy, bring it on.

I'm just tired

Yes I'm back yet again. My wife came home from the hospital last night. I am glad that she is back home, but I just want to run away. It's not that I don't want to take care of her or help her recover from her surgery it's just the stress of it all. You see, my wife's mother whom I refuse to refer to as my MIL as I no longer consider her "family", decided that my wife's father needed to come home and take care of my wife after her surgery. Now, I've been the one taking care of her every day since they decided to up and move to Florida. There has never been a problem and I've always been the one who was up with her when she was sick, etc. It just pisses me off that the one time that she has something major that she needs to recover from I'm suddenly not capable of taking care of her on my own. Where the hell are they all the other times? Oh, that's right they're at the beach in Florida!!!!

Her mother says that he should come take care of her so I "don't miss too much work" and I don't have to "use my vacation time" to take care of her. Plus, both of her parents have had the same exact surgery that she went in for therefore they know what she needs & how she will be feeling and since I don't apparently I'm not capable of taking care of her. I'm so fucking pissed off!! I'm even more upset that she let's them treat me this way and she doesn't even realize what the hell is going on. Of course she just sees it as them trying to help out, but I see it as another way for her mother to control another aspect of her life.

I think that I just need some time away from her and away from her family. I need time to myself to figure out exactly how I'm feeling and whether or not I can continue to live my life in second place. I hoped that it would change, but after seven years nothing has changed. She still puts her mother over me and ALWAYS takes her side, but says that she supports me. I just don't know what to do ...

Too drained to come up with a catchy title ...

So, my wife went in for surgery on Tuesday. She had told her mother that she didn't want anyone to know about it and that she would prefer if she kept it to herself and didn't say anything to anyone. She also told me the same thing and I respected her decision. So come Tuesday her mother posts something on her brother's memorial website asking him to watch over her during her medical journey as she goes in for her surgery today. Ummmm .. what the fuck???? Did she not ask you to KEEP IT TO YOURSELF???? I recall the conversation and I recall her telling you that she did NOT want everyone in the family to know about it because she didn't want people constantly calling, visiting, and asking her if she was ok. So, what do you think happened once she posted that? Oh, everyone calling and asking what was going on & why she was having surgery .. is everything ok? That's exactly what she wanted to avoid!!!!

For someone who goes on and on about keeping things in the family and not talking to people about stuff she's the first person to open her big mouth!! Now my wife has had to deal with visits from her Aunts & Uncles, phone calls, etc. from people she didn't want to know in the first place!! So much for privacy huh??

I'm SOO glad that I made the decision to cut her fucking crazy family out of my life!!! I'm so glad I no longer have to go to family functions or holiday gatherings with any of them. Her mother is the biggest two-faced ass. Yet she's the first to call everyone else out when the do the exact shit she does. ARGH!!!!!!

Can you teach an old dog new tricks?

It's funny how people in your life view you.
Some see me as a friend, others as a relative, another slightly shorter person, as "Momma',
but I've always thought that I was friendly & kind.
I know I'm not the most feminine woman around, and don't misunderstand, I'm not talking 'looks' wise, because I have been blessed with a beautiful face & killer eyes for which I'm eternally grateful, no... I'm talking personality.
I'm loud, I'm gruff, I say 'non girlie' things, I talk too much, I say & do things that allot of guys would essentially, except I have breasts & occasionally wear makeup.

I guess for as long as I've known this about myself, I just thought it was cool being the girl that all the guys wanted to be 'friends' with. The girl they felt comfortable enough to go to with their problems. The girl they would ask to go to the bar & have a drink or two or play pool with (even though I completely suck). The girl they admit is 'just one of the guys' to them.

I never felt this was a problem until tonight.
Tonight, someone who I care very much about, who I love quite honestly, told me that he HATES when I act like that. When I'm loud & to quote him 'all up in people's shit'.
He made me feel allot of things but most importantly, he made me feel ugly.
I didn't feel like a woman, in that instant.
I felt like a sad lonely outsider, looking in on everyone else having fun.

I'm tired of being 'every one's friend'.
I'm tired of being 'just one of the guys'.
I'm just tired.

In all my nearly 35 years on this earth I've never once felt sad about who I was, how I conducted myself, or the things I let slip from my mouth.
I was proud to be me, proud to be different, proud to be unique.

Tonight, I felt ashamed to be the person who sits here & types these words.

It doesn't bother me what strangers think of me, it never has.
But for someone who is such a big part of my life to call to light my flaws, in such a way that I saw them as flaws too, well that was one hell of a blow that I didn't see coming.

I don't do the dresses and/or skirts.
I don't do the pretty high heeled shoes or the frilly tops.
I'm not a size ten, I'm not even a size 20 for that matter.
Size 22/24 if we're being completely honest, and although that's a tough thing to admit, it is what it is, and so I'll share it.

I feel like, perhaps the reason why I'm always the 'friend' and never the 'girl', is just that, because I'm not much of a 'girl'.
Oh sure I have a uterus & ovaries, and boobs the size of my ass.
Whatever.
In his eyes, I guess I'm nothing more than a trouble making loud mouth who constantly says the wrong thing & upsets him.

I know, I know... I am NOT living my life for him, but it just sucks when a really good day turns to shit from that one little comment from someone I think the world of.

I told him that in an instant I could list over 100 things about him that I adore & I bet that he couldn't come up with so much as five.
He got upset at this, as if to imply who the hell am I to say he couldn't list those things, the hell he couldn't... etc.

Only trouble is, he'll never tell me the things he sees in me that he adores, because I'm willing to bet that there really aren't many.

When I love someone, I tell them.
And not only do I tell them but more importantly, I SHOW THEM through ACTIONS!

Tonight, I called him back to say that, yes, maybe what he called me out on was accurate, that perhaps I shouldn't have said what I said today to girl I bumped into at the park, and that maybe he was right, that I should work on that aspect of who I am, but I also said that perhaps, he too should work on his delivery, especially since today, my mistake was with a total stranger, where as his was deliberate, and with a friend he knows would move heaven & earth for his happiness.

That maybe he shouldn't be so worried about me hurting a total strangers feelings, but just for once, should focus on not hurting mine.

He didn't like that comment either, so be it.
I hung up, not abruptly, but hung up nonetheless and have no plans to call him anytime soon, I need some cooling off time.

I will probably always love him, but right now, I just don't like him.

I think that maybe I should pay more attention to just listening & give the talking a break for a while. I don't want to be the girl that everyone looks at & thinks 'oh that girl, she's hysterical at parties! etc... but then their thinking stops there.
That, I don't want.
There's so much more to me than just 'the funny girl.'

I think someday I'd much prefer someone to look at me & see me, the real me, more than just the loudmouth who tries to feed everyone & make people laugh.
No, I'd rather have someone look at me and see so much more than the things I was called out on tonight.
How do I get from here,
to there ?

Can you teach an old dog new tricks?
Can I suddenly transform overnight and go from loud gruff just one of the guys type woman
to a feminine, sweet, soft spoken woman who knows her place in the world?

Therein lies the conundrum.

I think I'll sleep on this one, for quite a while or until I hear my phone ring.

What does he want?

What is wrong with guys? I don't understand them? I don't get it? So I emailed my ex, cause it was his first mothers day after his mother passed away. I was trying to be friendly and nice. So he emails me back saying thanks and stuff. Then he says "I just want you to know that I do wonder how your doing but I feel weird contacting you". What the hell does that mean? Does it mean that he just wants to be friends, or is he wondering if I've gotten over him or found someone else? So i waited a few days and emailed him back, not much. Well he emails me back a thanks then tells me that if I had time to call him, "I'd like to hear from you". So I wait a day or two and call him. We talk for about 5 min. then he says he has to go he's getting a prescription at Walgreen's and that he'd call me back later. It's been a day and no call or text. What the hell!!!! Why did he ask me to call him if he didn't want to talk. If it didn't matter to him. I don't get it, why tell me that you'll call me back and then not!? I'm sooo pissed. Why does he wonder about how I'm doing? What does that mean? And why tell me to call you and then not call me back? What does he want from me? Why tell me I'd like to hear from you but not act like it. The sad thing is, I want him to call. I know that guys have that 2 or 3 day rule thing. Where they say they are going to call and it ends up taking about 3 days before they actually do. I hate that he can make me feel like this still. That he can get my hopes up still. I wish I knew what he was thinking and what he wanted.

Thank you!

Seeing as I wrote you a reply to your e-mail over a month ago (after you emphasized how "important" it was that we communicate) and you haven't had the decency to write back (other than to tell me that you "would try to find the time" to reply) I'm so finished with you! I couldn't care less if I never talk to you again. I guess it just goes to show your true colors & the type of person you REALLY are ..

Glad you opened my eyes to it now instead of later. I have to admit that since I stopped talking to you life is so much simpler. Now, life is very good :)

Just Wanted To Say...

...that I honestly have more pride in the brave women who have joined me to vent their innermost feelings here in this forum, than I've had in anyone or anything in a long time.

Sure, we all post anonymously, big deal. Most people can't even do even that!
Most women, sadly, bottle up their feelings & frustrations until they consume them from the inside out.
That's just sad.
I know there are other forums such as 'post secret' and 'TWC', both of which I enjoy checking out from time to time, however, this forum, our forum, allows the writer the freedom of posting when they want, saying what they feel and most importantly, knowing that their post made the short trip from their innermost thoughts to the electronic page without so much as one go-between.
The other forums, sadly, cannot boast such a freedom.
Each one, although interesting in their own right, requires the writer to 'submit' their secret and/or confession & wait.
Wait for said information to arrive in a PO box, or wait for it to suddenly magically appear in cyberspace.
I like knowing that my co-authors set their own hours, make their own rules, and decide when & how to share whatever it is they're needing to get off their chest.

Ladies, I just wanted to take this moment to tell you all that I do believe this is the start of something much bigger than all of us and I'm beyond proud to have you all along for the ride, wherever it may take us.

VENT ON!

Mt. Everest

What do I really hope to gain by posting in this forum?
Won't at least one of you now know who I am... is nothing
sacred anymore? Coming out of this abyss of my divorce,
searching for my identity amidst turmoil and confusion (alas,
I didn't mention I lost that first daughter, 2 months shy of
referral, or that my mom died 8 months after he said he wanted
to leave)... it's an insurmountable task. I read this book,
late I know, called "Into Thin Air"... and I remember my sister telling
me, "It's like climbing a mountain, it's the hardest thing you will
ever do, and you will feel like you can't breathe, and you will
want to give up and let yourself come crashing to the bottom,
and sometimes, that will happen even when you don't choose it...
but I tell you, YOU will reach the top... and you will be amazed at
your strength, and the reserve you never knew you had".

So, what she failed to tell me is that this is Everest... this mountain's
peak is at the cruising altitude of some aircraft... this mountain has
taken lives...

So, the book. It was about this horrific climb, a guided one in fact, and
the loss of several people and how horrific their deaths were. Funny, it
wasn't a depressing book at all. I actually wished I was physically equipped
for it- could withstand sub zero temperatures, almost zero oxygen, hurricane
winds, frostbite, excruciating pain and numbness. Cuz then I wouldn't
have to feel any of this, right here, in this place.

To My "Mother in Law"

I hate you. I think that you are a vindictive, controlling, manipulating person. The fact that you concern yourself with EVERYTHING that goes on in your childrens lives even though they are GROWN adults is irritating. Then you go and cry poor me when it comes back to bite you in the ass! My BIL's ex gf wrote a skathing blog about me and I sent you an email telling you that it's basically your fault it's escalated to this because you chose to ignore the situation in the first place! Had you taken the time to reply to my e-mail or even acknowledge what I had to say I wouldn't have been SO pissed off. Now, you're going around telling people you don't know what to do and that you "barely talks to your daughter as it is". That's complete bullshit! You talk to her at least once every day. Could you please make me look like more of an asshole to everyone???

Yesterday I get a friend request from my other BIL - yes the one who passed away over a year ago. Funny, I don't think he's sending me myspace messages from the beyond! No, it's YOU trying to get access to my profile to see what I have on there because it's set as private. Why you ask? Because said ex gf went crying to you about all the horrible things I was writing about her. Yet, she can't see my profile either cause it's PRIVATE. What is the deal with people being so concerned about what everyone else is doing? You're fifty years old for crying out loud! Get a damn life already!

The worst part of all of this is that it has caused a HUGE rift in my marriage because I've had enough and I don't want to be a part of the "family" anymore. Nor, do I want anything to do with any of them. However, my wife says that I can't pick and chose which parts of her life I am a part of so it's all or nothing. So, apparently my feelings aren't as important as hers so I should just suffer? I should pretend that everything is fine and that I don't HATE them all??? Oh yes, I'm sure vacations and holidays will be pure bliss. I just can't do it and I may lose my wife because of it. I'm sure that would make her mother SO happy she'd probably piss herself.

I just don't know what to do anymore ...

Guys Suck

It's so unfair that I still think about my x. He broke up with me and I still want him back. It's been about 9 months now and I still miss him, even though I'm dating someone else. Isn't getting another boyfriend supposed to help you get over the x and forget about him. Instead it emphasizes the fact that my x was a great boyfriend. He's the one that is supposed to come to this realization, I already new this. He's the one that is supposed to see that I was a great girlfriend and that we were meant for each other. He's supposed to be sorry that he lost me. He's the one that is supposed to want to get back together. I'm supposed to find someone better than him so I can rub it in his face. I'm supposed to make him jealous. It isn't fair. He's supposed to come back to me. I feel kinda bad about having a boyfriend because part of the reason I'm with hims is so that if it ever comes up with my x I can rub it in his face that I have someone. But this guy isn't the one. I know this, I don't know if he knows it, but I do. I still think my x is the one. I talk to him sometimes on the internet. It doesn't really help. But there are times when I don't even think about him for weeks and I'll wake up in the middle of the night wanting to cry because I was having a dream about him crying and praying to God that we would get back together. I don't cry about him when I'm awake anymore, only in my dreams. Why am I the one that is haunted by him? He should be the one regretting breaking up with me. He should be the one who's dreams are haunted. I hate that I'm not completely over him yet. I don't want to feel like this anymore. I want to get over him, I want this to stop. I want him to not be able to get over me. I want him to realize that he made the biggest mistake in his life when he broke up with me.

All I have to say is GUYS SUCK!

for the love of all that is holy!

After having a fabulous day yesterday my wife decides to start this conversation:

Wife: how much do you know about loans?
Me: A bit, why?
wife: Can someone use thier car to secure a loan?
Me: I guess it depends on the bank. If you own the car outright. Why are your parents thinking of getting a loan?
Wife: No, my mom asked me to take out a loan for her.


ummmm ... WHAT THE FUCK?! Granted, we're not poor, but we're not exactly swimming in the money!!! Not to mention that my wife's credit is FINALLY getting back to a semi-normal level after paying off her credit cards for the past 10 years!!! There is absolutely NO way that we're taking out a loan for her parents!! We barely have the money to cover our monthly bills. Not to mention that the entire reason that we're trying to pay off her credit cards is so we can refinance the house!!!

Long story short - my brother in law's (the one I actually liked) fiancee's mother co-signed a loan for him to get a car. He defaulted, car got repossessed. Now she's trying to refi her house and there is a problem w/ the bank b/c they can't find any record of the repossession which is a bunch of bullshit and they're trying to screw her. Now, my brother in law died almost 2 years ago and my MIL said she was going to pay her back for the loan with his life insurance money. Apparently she didn't do that so now she wants us to take out a loan to take care of all this bullshit. My wife feels bad for her mother because she has to deal with all these issues. I understand feeling bad, but we can't afford to help her!!!!!!!

My wife is such a pussy. She lets her mother influence her life WAAAAAY too much. She depends on her mother and has to ask her opinion for EVERYTHING. She needs to fucking stand up to her mother for once instead of allowing her to guilt her into doing something else!! I'm sick of dealing with all this bullshit because of it! Grow some balls, damn it!

Bitching about MEN!

So! I have been married for almost 9 years (OMG) and we have children. For some reason I cannot get him to be more involved with them. I mean he can bitch at me for I DONT cook supper for when he comes home BUT I do look after the kids all day while he works....when he works..to me that is his break????

I think he may have bathed them twice in their lives.....it is *my* job to do with everything else. I know he works hard but the kids are in bed at 7-730pm and he is home at 5pm and thats not giving him a whole lot of time to be with them.

Lately I am making ( Not making but kind of) LOL! him lay down with our oldest child so he is able to spend more time with her. I just feel that he would rather me do EVERYTHING....

Good points about dh:
cooks supper everynight.
helps keep the house clean......
many more but dont feel like listing them.

So folks! Am I wrong to feel this way??????????????????? I sometimes feel like a single mom with 2 kids.

ok so after all the shit happened with my brother in law & his psycho ex gf or whatever the hell she is I decided to write an e-mail to all of them and explain what actually happened rather than just go along with the half story psycho bitch was telling everyone. So, I sent the e-mail to my mother-in-law, brother-in-law, psycho bitch and my wife so that way everyone got the same story and we wouldn't have to repeat ourselves over and over again about what was actually written. So, psycho bitch read it first and forwarded it to my MIL at work because for some reason it couldn't wait until she got home from work. So my MIL tells the psycho bitch to "just let it go" and ignore my e-mail. She goes on to say that she and my father in law have already formed their opinions about how they feel abouth both me and the psycho bitch. Then proceeds to tell her that they consider her part of the family. So, basically she's taking her side to "keep the peace" so they can have a realtionship with their grand daughter. Psycho bitch is the type of person to use the kid against you if you're not nice to her for if she's pissed off at you. In my e-mail I called the psycho bitch out and basically told the entire story including what she was telling me rather than the story she's been telling everyone which only includes what I said cause that's how pyscho drama craving bitches are. Well, my mother in law reads the email and then goes onto my brother in laws email (they are on the same AOL account) and DELETES it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ya, you read that right. She went and DELETED the fucking email I sent him DEFENDING myself and telling the TRUTH!!!!! Who fucking does that?! A CONTROLING situation manipulating bitch. The worst part is that my wife relentlessly defends her mother. ALL OF THE TIME and it's so fucking annoying!!!!!!

The worst part is that next week is my wife's birthday and her douchebag of a brother is going to be at our house for a few HOURS. I'm going to go fucking nuts and choke him!!!!

Trying to loose the POUNDS!

So, it has been since Jan 1st, 2007 that I "started" my diet. I dont think I have even lost a fricken inch off my ass or stomach!!

A few years back I weighed in at 110LBs and I am now 147LBS...........YES! Thats right folks..who would have thought I would gain that much in a year or so.

I eat healthy....dont exercise for I dont really have the time BUT I am getting pissed about the whole damn thing...... All I want to do is loose my stomach.....I dont need rolls hanging over my pants. I look at myself and dont like what I see.

I am a size 10 and thats ok....I ONLY want to loose my rolls and stomach! I have lots of exercise equipment BUT I am too lazy..........

Can anyone suggest anything....I am desperate???????????

I'm Pissed!!

So, my wife is going in for surgery next week. My mother in law decided that my father in law needs to come home to "take care of her". Now, why is it that I'm not capable of taking care of my wife????? Every other time she's been sick over the last 7 years I've been perfectly capable of taking care of her, but now for some reason I'm not able to?! She says that it's so that I don't have to use up all my vacation time, but seeing as my wife's going to be out of work .. umm that's using her vacation time!!! Where the hell am I going to go without her??????

FUCKING meddling pain in my ass!!!!! She always has to have her way and of course my wife is such a fucking momma's girl that she lets her do it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Feeling a bit ... upset

So yesterday I left work early to accompany my wife to her doctor's appointment. Appointment went ok so we leave and she has to stop by her brother's work to get some money from him for the cell phone bill. The cell phone bill that we added him to because he doesn't have the credit to have a phone in his own name. Apparently a HUGE fight starts between the two of them which involves them screaming at each other outside of his workplace. I wasn't present, but the fight was essentially about me. Her brother doesn't like me and he doesnt like the fact that my wife refuses to listen to him bitch and complain about his daughter's mother. She has repeatedly told him that it has nothing to do with her and she doesn't want to hear about it. I have no idea what his problem is with me nor do I give a rats ass. He pissed her off so much that she's done with him. She's canceling his cell phone and basically disowning him because he essentially wants her to chose him over me and she won't do that.

I've never been very close to my in-laws because I never felt like part of the family. I know that has a lot to do with the fact that I'm married to their daughter which obviously comes with some issues from her mother. My MIL always dreamed of her daughter being the ultimate girl - prom, wedding, husband, kids, etc. When my wife came out to her her senior year her mother didn't react very well. I am not her first girlfriend by any means, but she is/was mine. Her mother has never really "approved" of our relationship for that reason. She was afraid that I would hurt her and I can completely understand that, but that was over seven years ago. I also had a child from my previous relationship.

Since we've been together my wife has always treated my daughter as her own. Her family has treated our daughter as their own as well. My wife legally adopted our daughter last year after we got married to make sure that if anything were to happen to me our family could stay together. Then, my BIL got his screw friend (aka psycho bitch) pregnant. Now, keep in mind that up until she got pregnant NONE of the family knew who she was. Once their child was born our daughter got pushed out of the picture. I understand that their child is actually biologically their grandchild and our daughter is not, but I didn't think that would have much barring on their relationship with our daughter as my FIL is not my BIL's biological father. It was much like our situation. My MIL was previously married and had a child when she met/married my FIL. I was wrong. Whenver my in-laws are here they are up their grandchild's ass. They are constantly taking her for the day/overnight. My daughter noticed this and was upset as she considers them her grandparents and has for the last seven years.

Since my BIL decided that he hates me I've been treated even less like family and more like a stranger. However, they treat his daughter's mother like family. My MIL is constantly calling her and talking to her and telling her that she is part of the family. This same girl who had their son arrested. The same girl who had a restraining order against him claiming that he beat her. The same girl who, for MONTHS, wouldn't allow him or his family to see their daughter. Now, my MIL doesn't talk to me. I used to get e-mails from her just chatting or stupid forwards, but not anymore. For christ sake I'm MARRIED to their daughter. I'm not going anywhere.

I'm really pissed off and hurt by the way that I'm being treated and I didn't even do anything to deserve it!!! I did nothing wrong and I'm the one being blackballed by the family. Now, I have no desire to be around her family. I don't want to go see them for her mother's birthday because he's going to be there with her and their daughter. I'm just supposed to smile and act like everything is ok?

Ummm .. NOPE that's not me and I refuse to pretend.

Convenience: the 'other' C-word...

Convenience, we all love it don't we?
When we're shopping,
when we're cooking,
when we're doing anything that would have otherwise been a big fat PITA!
(pain in the ass)
Convenience does come in handy doesn't it?

Want to know
one thing
that convenience should
never
be associated with?

Friendship!

Don't be a friend of convenience,
don't call only when YOU want to talk but never listen,
or bitch that this same friend is calling you once a day just to say hi.

YOU SHOULD BE SO LUCKY THAT SOMEONE IS THINKING ABOUT YOU, RIGHT?

One would think...

...the reality is that I'm starting to rethink this 'friendship' of ours.
Sure we've known each other forever...
sure you know me better than anyone else does...
sure there are parts of me that you hold dear & vice versa
but truly
you are ONLY that 'wonderful sweet' friend
when IT SUITS YOU!

Always an agenda,
even though you don't realize it.

Not every day
&
unconditionally
as friendship SHOULD be.
Not with you...
not at all.

If you stand to gain something from it,
then sure you're 'that friend'...

...otherwise, you're just that guy
who lives on that street
in that yellow house with the red shutters.

I am seriously tired of being the 'unconditional' friend
to a friend whose
friendship comes with a boatload of
'CONDITIONS' attached.

It ends tonight.

No more calls.
No more going out of my way.
No more being sweet just because I love you.

No
more
one
way
street
friendship,
period.

I'm done.

The Obvious Nothing...

You know what really pisses me off?
When a friend who is no longer a 'friend',
lies to you,
to your FACE,
but does a shitty ass job at it
& KNOWS deep down
that YOU KNOW THEY'RE LYING
but DOES SO ANYWAYS
just to avoid
ADMITTING
that you were
RIGHT
years ago when you said
that maybe
they were about to make
the biggest mistake ever.

It's even worse
when even though
you KNOW
they're lying
& are miserable,
that a certain family member
of theirs
VALIDATES
those suspicions
as TRUTH!

Hey, you wanna live your life unhappily putting on a show for the rest of the world while secretly being miserable & missing your old life, your old friends, your old 'self'?

Be.
My.
Guest.

But
DO NOT
come into
MY HOUSE
&
PRETEND THAT
NOTHING
HAPPENED,
THAT
NOTHING
CHANGED,
THAT
NOTHINGS WRONG
WITH
YOU
TRYING
TO
HUG
ME!



It's sad, it pisses me off & it should never have ended up like this, ever.

But, it did, & you chose this life...

...as the saying goes;

you made your bed, now lie in it.

I'll be over here enjoying my life,
sadly,
without the 'you' I used to know...

...& love.

Crazy Bitches!!!!

Ok so I sign online today and I get an IM from one of my "friends" who proceeds to FREAK OUT on me for not talking to her for like a week. Are you fucking serious?! I'm sorry I have a wife, daughter, and work to deal with!!!! Not to mention all the other day to day bullshit that comes along with life and she's bitching about that?! This is what she IMs me with:

CrazyBitch: Are u avoiding me? Well whatever i am canceling the gym. Its not like u use it.

Ummm .. what the fuck? I've been too busy to talk to her so therefore I am avoiding her and because I haven't gone to the gym with her that means I'm not using the membership, huh glad I was clued in on that!!!! Then she starts calling me "shady" because she's the one paying for the gym membership and she's now out of work and "can't afford it". Let me break it down for you. She wanted to join the gym and didn't want to go alone. I told her that it wasn't in our budget and we just couldn't do it at the time. She offered to have her DADDY pay for it since he pays for ALL of her bills. Yes, ALL of them. He pays her rent, cell phone, car insurance, etc. She's currently on food stamps and cash assistance because she's not working. Why isn't she working? Simply because she's too fucking lazy to get a job. She's had about a dozen jobs in the time that I've known her (which really isn't that long). She's been FIRED from each job she's had.

Then she's claiming poverty about having to support herself and my niece (which you know about all the damn drama from previous posts). She's not supporting herself or my niece her father is so why the hell is she bitching about me not paying for her gym membership?????? It's not like she's charged extra for me to be on it. They were doing a two for one deal so if she takes me off the membership and keeps hers she's still paying the same amount!!!! Numerous times over the last year she has complained about paying for the membership and I have told her to cancel the membership if it was a problem for her to pay for it. Each and every time her daddy came to her rescue and put $$ in her account to cover ALL her expenses.

She sends me this message and then signs off so I can't reply:

U can take the girl out of the trash but u cant take the trash out of the girl. Goodbye

So now I'm trash??? I'm the ONLY friend this girl had. She doesn't really have any family here besides her dad and her step mom (her dad secretly gives her $ w/o her step mom knowing cause she'd get pissed) yet they have a adopted son that they spoil to no end. I've been the one who has listened to her bitch and complain about my brother in law. I'm the one who has given her advice and fought with my wife's family because of my friendship with her. Yet, regardless of the backlash I suffered I maintained my friendship with her all for her to turn psycho on me?! I didn't even do anything to deserve it!!!!!!

My wife has been saying for MONTHS that she has a crush on me. The girl would buy me stuff, show up at places, call me, etc. I told my wife she was nuts, but now after not talking to her for a week and having her FREAK OUT on me I'm thinking maybe she was right.

Your thoughts????

It shouldn't be this hard!!!

When I got married three years ago, I decided I wanted my bridal shower to be a surprise. I was going to be totally hands off, which is hard for me to do, and just let it happen. I figured I had enough stress getting ready for the wedding, I didn't need any more. Well, that didn't work so well. My sister, who was my maid of honor, had just moved to Washington D.C. for school, so she was not close by to arrange anything. The rest of my bridesmaids were scattered around the state and country , no one seemed to want to take charge and friends who had offered to help dropped the ball. I got more phone calls asking me what was going on than I can count. In the end, my mom put something together, it was mostly a surprise, but by this time I knew something was up. Then my husband, being a dumb boy, didn't think to include a number of important females in his life, friends moms who he's known for years, wives/girlfriends of friends things like that..so there were some hurt feelings and I was perceived as a snob who didn't want to include his friends. ( I fixed that real quick and totally told them to blame Hubby, since it was a surprise to me..and they all did! He won't make that mistake again).
So when I found out I was pregnant, I decided to take a more hands on approach to my shower. I know Emily Post would have heart failure to know that I basically planned my own shower, and some friends thought it was tacky, but fuck em. After the stress of the bridal shower, I figured the more involved I was the less could go wrong and I need more stress now like I need a hole in my head!!! So my mom and I put our heads together and came up with a date and time. We decided to hold it at my in-laws church building since it was big and there was room for kids to run and...well..it was free. My mom was a bit stressed and didn't really want to deal with the invitations, understandable since she did the bridal shower ones. I figured it would be really tacky for me to send them out. Enter our friend we'll call Morgan. She offered to help out and was really excited to do it. Now I doubt that Morgan will ever have children of her own, so I figured this was her living it out through me. So I went to the fifth level of Hell knows as Babies R Us and picked up the free, fill in the blank invitations,they give you if you register there. I printed out all the address labels for the guests and even return labels for Morgan. All she had to do was fill in the one sided invitation, throw in some directions and stick them in the mail. I gave her this stuff in JANUARY. A couple weeks went by and no one had received anything. Then disaster struck Morgan and her girlfriend ended up in the hospital with a blood clot in her lungs and a week later Morgan had a heart attack. Not to be insensitive, but a one point I called her in the hospital and asked what the status was with the invites, we were less than two weeks away from the RSVP and no one had seen one and people were asking questions. Turns out they hadn't been sent yet!!!!!!! ARE YOU FUCKEN KIDDING ME!!!!! YOU"VE HAD THE SHIT FOR THREE WEEKS....I know there has been sickness and this wasn't a priority, but shouldn't they have been out BEFORE you all got sick. So I told Morgan's girlfriend that if there was too much stuff going on, I would come down and pick up the invites and get them sent out. She PROMISED it would be done that weekend. And it was.

All is well now right??? WRONG!!!!

The problem. Well at least 1/3 that I know of HAVE THE WRONG FUCKEN DATE!! HOW DO YOU SEND OUT INVITATION, THAT HAS THE WRONG DATE!! I MEAN THE WHOLE THING IS WRONG, DAY, DATE MONTH EVERYTHING IS WRONG! THE FUCKEN INVITES AREN'T EVEN THE ONES I GAVE HER, NOWHERE DOES IT SAY THAT IT IS A BABY SHOWER (i thought it was obvious but apparently some people thought it was some weird religious ceremony that they had missed) IT NEGLECTS TO MENTION THAT I AM REGISTERED AT THE FIFTH LEVEL OF HELL AND THERE IS NO ADDRESS TO THE FUNCTION HALL. Oh, and did I mention that I don't even know if everyone got them, cause three family members didn't!!!!!!
Now, I can't very well yell at the girl cause she just had a heart attack. And I know that her heart was in the right place in wanting to make the invitations more special and all that shit. HOWEVER, if you are going to volunteer to do something this important for someone, be sure that you: A. have the time, B. have the intention, and C. ARE RESPONSIBLE ENOUGH TO GET IT FUCKEN DONE!!!! The sad thing is, part of me expected this. I love Morgan to pieces, but there is always some drama in her life that causes her to not always be 100% reliable. I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt because I KNOW she is excited about the baby and this is as close as she'll get. But now this shower as turned into stress central. I had to make a million phone calls to be sure everyone got the correct date and knows about the registry and all that other stuff. The shower is this weekend and my mom still doesn't even know how many people are coming, because Morgan has gone MIA again. So come this Saturday, there could be 10 people at my shower, there could be 50, who the hell knows.

I swear, next time I"m just gonna do it my self.

I need a drink!

You Know What Sucks...?

...BUYING A WHOLE PACKAGE OF BRAND NEW AA BATTERIES
(EXPENSIVE ONES I MIGHT ADD!)
WITH EVERY INTENTION OF USING THEM
IN YOUR FABULOUS FANTASM'ORGASMIC ELECTRICAL FRIEND
&
NOT BEING IN THE MOOD TO SO MUCH AS OPEN THE PACKAGE,
NEVER MIND ACTUALLY PUTTING THEM IN THEIR NEW HOME
& CRANKIN' THAT PUPPY UP TO FULL THROTTLE!

What the FUCK is wrong with me tonight?

You know, this isn't a big deal, it's life as I know it... single, get my own rocks off, big deal, it's normal for me.
SO WHY TONIGHT AM I NOT EVEN IN THE MOOD FOR ANYTHING?
You know, it's one thing when another person isn't in the mood to be with you in that way
BUT IT'S ANOTHER ALL TOGETHER
WHEN IT'S YOU
WHO DOESN'T WANT TO BE WITH YOU!

So that's the state of things right now & to top it all off,
I literally, TONIGHT, have come to the decision that, fuck it-
never mind it 'not being fair to someone else' for me to go on a date if my heart was otherwise occupied elsewhere,
NOW
I've realized that
IT'S NOT FAIR TO ME
to sit
&
wait
&
wait
&
wait
for said 'owner of my heart'
TO COME TO HIS FUCKING SENSES!

The hell with that, I'm done worrying about what's fair for others!
It's time for me to worry about what's fair for ME!
And tonight, ME wants to MOVE ON & find myself a nice, new DATE!

You know,
I'd suggest the handsome man I recently had a desire to kiss,
after all, the boy is, in a word...
CHARMING AS HELL!
(ok, so that's 3 words... so sue me!)

He's not off the table, probably won't be since I don't suspect his charm will ever become old hat for me. He's truly a wonderful friend but if I'm being completely honest, his humor & wit is like a breath of fresh air, not to mention he flirts like a true animal.

I DIG THAT!

I just gotta get myself out of this god damned RUT I'm in
&
MOVE THE FUCK ON!

Any ASSvice?
Please, spare me nothing, SPEAK CANDIDLY HERE, after all...

...if not for brutal honesty & raw emotion,
what else is barefoot blogging for?

de L icious L words...

1. lesbians
2. lipstick
3. laughter
4. light
5. learning
6. loving
7. longing
8. lost
   
9. literature
10. losing
11. leaping
12. licking
13. lovely
14. lips
15. list
16. lifelike
17. lions
18. landing
19. lake
20. laced
    
21. loner
    
22. luggage
23. lie
24. lying
25. lonesome
26. list
27. little
28. lively
29. lighthouse
30. leans
31. left

(anyone eLse have anymore words to Lend?)

Just Because I Can...

Those Moments...

It's funny how
if I look back on the moments of my life
that are worth remembering,
you're almost always a part of them.
How did that happen?
How did our lives become these series of interwoven moments
that we now lovingly refer to as
'our history'.
It is our history and nobody can ever take that away.
I like that.
I like knowing that I know you in a way that most people don't...
...and you know me just as well.
It's comfortable,
it's comforting,
it's another one of those 'moments'
that makes me proud to call us friends.
I know life isn't always easy
& things are gonna get tossed our way that we don't expect
& might have a hard time getting through,
but I also know that with each other at our sides
& our friendships to fall back on,
we're gonna do alright.

'Moments' will happen in our lives
that make us realize that we're not only better for knowing each other,
but truly blessed as well.
Life goes by all too fast,
and tonight,
I just wanted to take a moment to let you know
that you mean the world to me
& I'm happy you're in my life...

...& even though you don't always believe me,
I truly do love you in a way that I have no words to express it that give it justice.
Maybe someday, you'll see yourself through my eyes...
...& when that happens,
you'll understand how I feel.
Until then, know that you'll always have a friend in me,
no matter what,
because you are one of my 'moments'
that I never want to end.

The Insanely Asinine Antics of ASSHOLES & THE WOMEN WHO LOVE THEM!

Why is it that guys just DON'T EVER FUCKING GET IT?
Why?
I read, on *on a daily basis mind you* True Wife Confessions
(or as I like to call it TWC... see link at bottom of blog to check it out)
&
it's proof positive that guys are,
for the most part,
INSENSITIVELY IMMATURE ASSHOLES!

So many women, dream of their 'one',
think they've 'found "him"',
get married
&
POOF!

WHO THE FUCK IS THIS SCHLEP NEXT TO ME WHO INSTANTLY FORGETS ALL THOSE LITTLE THINGS HE WAS SO EAGER TO DO PRIOR TO OUR GETTING HITCHED?
Why, when the milk isn't free, do they WORK SO LOVINGLY for it?
The SECOND they realize that they're about to not only marry the
*excuse the expression*
cow, but inherit the entire barn,
that they think it gives them cart blanch to just do the most
ASININE THINGS ON THE PLANET?

AND furthermore, WHY, when they're still in that 'oh so dreamy ooh la la' dating phase,
do they ALSO have their moments of SHEER STUPIDITY?

You have a girl who loves you, she's told you OVER AND OVER that she loves you, she's made it perfectly clear that she's in love, not just 'loves you' but is IN LOVE with YOU...

...what do you do?

Well, apparently I've fallen in love with a school boy because if memory serves, when I was in grade school & a boy would be mean or ignore me or do something stupid,
it meant he liked me.

SO, if this person who I have stupidly professed my love to,
goes OVER A WEEK without so much as a single phone call,
am I just then to assume that he's still not a 'grown up' even at 28?
Apparently so.

It's completely INSANE to me that someone who returns *on occasion* this affection for me, would let this much time go by without so much as a fucking phone call.

(& never mind an email or a text, sadly- he can do neither!)

The worst part about all this is this;

I am fairly certain that in all this time that's gone by, he's not thought of me more than once, twice IF that.
Where I have thought of him every day, sometimes multiple times a day.

Why, do you ask?

MAYBE BECAUSE IT'S NOT BOYS WHO ARE THE STUPID ONES,
PERHAPS IT'S US WOMEN WHO NEED A GOOD BOOT TO THE HEAD?!?!!

I dunno, all I know is that I do NOT chase guys,
never have & don't intend to start NOW, period.

You know, if it weren't for other things going so right in my life I might really have just cause for losing my marbles tonight, but honestly... aside from stupid boys, life is surprisingly GOOD.
So, he doesn't wanna call?
FUCK HIM THEN!

I can lead a boy to love but I cannot make him fall.

I'm gonna go get some tea, anyone else care to join me?

****WORK****

I am having the hardest time finding a job. I have been looking since Sept and of course the husband is on my frigen ass. I am a certified dental assistant why am i having such a hard time. I receive two different newspapers which I check them daily, I have about 15 different websites that I also check once sometimes twice daily. I just went on a working interview today and got the "We have a few more interviews to conduct" And The ever so nice "We will get back to you" speech. UUGGHH i am sick of the bullshit just tell me i'm sorry your not what we are looking for don't keep me hanging, or waste my time.

ignorance given wings

This one's probably going to piss people off, but we're here to vent and have an open forum on life. I'm opening the fucking forum wide the fuck open.

The War in Iraq.

Got an opinion on it? Got an idea on what we should do? Have a strong feeling about it? Etc. etc.?

Well, do you know someone over there? Were/are you in the military? Are you a trained military tactician? Did you know someone in the September 11th attacks? (No, not the Twin Tower tragedy, the Sept. 11th Attacks, the Pentagon and United 93 happened too, and if you forget about that then you're an idiot and an ignorant piece of shit)

If you answered no to the bottom questions, then SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm SO sick and fucking tired of people talking about something that they know nothing about. It seems every John and Jane Doe has a fucking opinion on it, and they just LOVE talking about it at the most inappropriate places and times. They also LOVE trying to convey how passionate they are about it.

If you were really passionate about it, you'd spend all day sending Congress letters that you had INTELLIGENTLY put together after thoroughly researching the facts and situation.

Did you do that?
Did you RESEARCH your fucking facts? And no, CNN, FOX, and whatever else station spouts their nonesense doesn't count. Being able to recite what some fuckbag on the television said does not make you (insert your dumbass political party here), it makes you a good little conformist.

And I LOVE how people pin it all on President Bush. ::sarcasm:: Oh yes, he's such an evil, evil man. Boo hoo, the world is coming to an end because of the dumb Texan.::/sarcasm:: Blaming someone else is just there to make YOU feel better. If you don't like something, do something about it. I have my own opinions about the man, and I'm sure you do to. The difference is, I don't give a FUCK what you think about another human being. You want to judge someone by their actions? Okay, let me give it a whirl.

Since you seem to be so content to blab about your political stance, I imagine that you're not that comfortable with it. You just want to hear it out loud. Or maybe that's not it. Maybe you just want to connect with someone. Maybe you just want to gossip. Maybe you just want to start shit to feel better about yourself by making someone else look bad. You know what that makes you? A bully. A trash talking, weak minded, conviction-less bully.

So do the world a favor, and the next time you have the impulse to say something about something that you know next-to-nothing about (and yes, you do know next-to-nothing, like it or not), please God, cut your genitalia out. You're clearly FAR too ignorant to breed.

"I'll be here, fighting forever."
-Breaking Benjamin, Unknown Soldier

Disclaimer 1: If any of you Barefoot'rs feel the need to post you Bush love/hate/apathy, please do, that's why we have blogs, lol.

Disclaimer 2: If you're going to leave me a comment about how fighting is barbaric and stupid, go crack a history book and educate yourself on how fighting got us where we are. Not talking about Civil War, Revolutionary, or either of the World Wars, I'm talking about how humans fought eachother for dominance and animals for survival. Then, after your tree-hugging, hemp-weaving ass figures out we're genetically encoded for fighting, kill yourself.

Disclaimer 3: Yes, we should be evolving past the point where we feel the need to fight, but we haven't yet. Get over it. Now go kill yourself.

Disclaimer 4: Yes, evolution, it exists. I don't care if you believe in God or not, but there is SCIENTIFIC FUCKING EVIDENCE THAT IT EXISTS, so if you think it doesn't exist, it's as dumb as saying trees don't exist. They do, it does. Get over it.

::leans back and waits for attempts at come-back comments::

Never Trust A Skinny...

...COOK!

So I was watching a little FOOD NETWORK today
& who should grace my screen with her skinny ass but the lil Italian bitch herself:



Giada De Laurentiis!


Is she beautiful?
Sure!
Does she love to cook?
I guess so...
DOES SHE EVER TRULY EAT WHAT SHE COOKS?
DOUBTFUL!

My guess is that she puts on a good show & she's clearly easy on the eyes
BUT
anyone THAT SKINNY
who claims to be a fantastic cook
& doesn't put her pancetta where her mouth is,
IS JUST A BIG TALKER IN MY BOOK!

Sure she has a 'taste' of this & a 'bite' of that
but my money says that once the segment is done taping
& the show goes to commercial,
she bolts straight for the bathroom to purge the shit right back up!

I just don't get it, unless she's swallowed a tape worm the size of Italy,
there is no way in HELL that she eats what she makes.

I'm here to tell you that ITALIANS CAN COOK & THEY CAN EAT JUST AS WELL!

I can't 'trust' a recipe from someone her size
who barely picks at her dishes like a bird on crack, ya know?


You wanna know someone I love to watch whos cooking I trust?

Who else but the:



BAREFOOT CONTESSA!



See that neck?
See that lovely roll that says;
"yes I can cook & damn it I can eat too cuz this shits GOOD!"

That's a woman whose cooking I'd take to the bank!

Nuff said.

Oh there's a sweet lil' head I'd like to hatchet. Her name is Ego-Whore. Being cool is her crack,baby.

She's destroyed the heart of one of my dearest 'n best friends (Spaceboy), is continuing to destroy the heart of another (Shiny Torn) and because she was my best friend, I can safely say she destroyed mine (for awhile but I am steel, i tell you, STEEL ; )

Spaceboy is staying with us for awhile and he drinks and he drinks and he drinks.

He has since I've known him, tho' I'd say it got worse,ah, right about the time she left him for Shiny, offered to still service him sexually in exchange for the apple mac and his double bed and called the house we all shared the next night to see if she could bring Shiny home. Ja.

So for Spacey- Jagermeister for breaky until the last hospitality career facilitated beer at 3am. HEALTHY.

Not to mention (I'm barefoot, I can mention!) that I have this weird knack of seeing what I call 'The Mark' on (or above people). Ok we'll be getting a little strange here but bear with me..... When I meet someone not only do I sense and feel and read what they are thinking/feeling I can usually see a fucking split second mindblowing montage of their past and some future (dependant on their future choices, which are, pardon me, often fuckin braindead parodies of what they could and FUCKING SHOULD be doing) ah, I digress.....

People who have 'The Mark' are flattish in the area of future. I can't see them old. Just can't. And I feel a grief akin to having just found out they are terminally ill. It sounds like delusions of grandeur I know or at least some wierd schizophrenic action but I haven't met many with 'The Mark', (Glory b 2 GAWD ) but those I have, have died. (Apparently even as a young baby I was terribly averse to sick people, even before they knew they were sick)
Haysoos, this here's honesty.

Ah my point is Spaceboy has The Mark and he is one of my dearest friends and the process is accelerating and SHE made it worse. Dirty Parasitical Egomanical Ska/unk Whore Bitch.

(And once I loved her: I think that's the craw-stickin' bit, I loved her, WTFUCK is wrong with me???!!!!)

Spacey is 24 and has already been told by the doctor he has the body of a 70 yr old man. Yeah. He parties.

I have just been outside having a conversation with him & he has admitted to me that he knows exactly what's happening and exactly what will transpire and he CAN't stop it. Just can't.

I have moved safely through the stages of grief and am firmly and necessarily stuck at anger. I'm a firm believer in the power of thought and with each (involuntary??) imagining of Ego-Whore's lil' head crashing firmly into a brick wall with a satisfying thud, I can only hope she is at least getting a headache.

I don't wanna feel like this.... I'm nice. But after supporting her for a year or more, assuming (ass- u- me: yeah) she'd give ah..... working a go. Or at least maybe dishes. At the very least..... activity.

After still having a $6000 student loan to pay back from time I lived with her lazy selfish ass. (Judge Judy would slaughter me for that one)
After seeing the swift downfall of my beautiful Spaceboy.
After having Shiny wrenched away from me and fucked up even more.
After watching Parasitical Ego-Whore's brother (My boyfriend) fail and get kicked out of school (despite the fact he's a FUCKING GENIUS) coz he was the only one left at our house to care for the weeping aching para-fucking-lytic pieces of Spaceboy........

I'm, ah, how u say..... a wee.... bit..... angwy.

You know what tho' fellow feeters??? The thing....... the thing that really gets me tonight
(On Shiny's birthday)
is that when Spaceboy ran into her tonight (in all her pretentious glory) (Small towns, who'd live in 'em!)
..........................

(Books+Me=DeepEverlastingEntirely Co-Dependant LOVE)

(I am not petty nor trivial nor MEAN ; )
(Nor Shallow) (as a general rule)

BUT HE TOLD HER ABOUT MY NEW FAVOURITE AUTHOR.

And I tell u what, if I see that bitch reading ANY of his books then I will draw the FUCKING Mark myself.

Love, BabyBare xxx

Why am I so jealous?

Lately I have been noticing these new cars - BMW, Lexus and MB. And also who is driving these new cars. These are young kids that just got out of high school or starting a new job. Me, I am driving a used and getting pretty old "mom" car. How come they have these nice fancy car and I am driving my old car? You know why, because this generation expects it. Please can you get one of them in a hand-me-down car? No I heard one of them telling their parent, they would not be caught driving their car. Go ahead, when you are driving around, check out all the nice fancy luxury car. See how many of them are these kids I am talking about.

Yes, I am jealous but guess what? With the insurance rate and how often they are stolen, I am glad to be driving a "mom" car.

An Open Letter To My Ex:

I really wish you would just resign yourself to the fact that you don't know what you're doing when it comes to women. When we were together, it was nice but it's over now & we're JUST FRIENDS! I've made this perfectly clear & for a while, you had a hard time with that, or you claimed to be 'ok' with it but the reality was you were calling me more often than my most frequent friend callers, more than a few times DAILY!
Ok, no biggie, I can deal with that, after all, it's part of what being a 'friend' is all about right?
Then you met miss "my kids deserve the world & you're going to provide it for them" girl & you suddenly disappeared.
Again, no biggie, we're just friends, so if you spending more time with a new love than chatting with me is what you wanted, as your friend, I sat by & watched & waited... for the inevitable.

Knock, Knock: Who's there?

INEVITABLE CALLING!

It's amazing to me that after all these months of 'on again, off again' bullshit with the greedy wench, you STILL haven't seen what she's all about?

Why is it that when I told you MONTHS ago that you were nothing more than a ride & a wallet to her that you DIDN'T LISTEN, yet NOW that's what you're saying to me? LOL

I just find it funny.

I'll still be your friend,
even though you're a sporadic one at best,
and I'll even still listen to your endless stories of how you played her,
when honestly if you ask me,
she played you just as much in return.

Just do me one favor could ya?

IF you ever get back with le'douche,
DO NOT TELL ME ABOUT IT!

I honestly have heard enough about her, her bastard children & her insane ex husband to last a lifetime.

Thank you.

Signed:

'Just Your Friend'.

How Unbelievably Kewl...

...is THIS shit!

You know, for a communist country who supposedly 'bans' all blogs,
they do enjoy their daily dose of some
BAREFOOT BLOGGING, DON'T THEY?!
*grin*

hehehe

Insured Insanity Part 2

So here it is Saturday - and I still do not have my pills!!! The damn automated system says that it is "in progress". What the hell does that mean? I have to say, though, that the "real" person I talked to the other day gave me a tip we can all use. If you want to talk to a real person - and the automated system is making you either speak your answers or key them in - do nothing. Say nothing, type in nothing....it will dump you into a real person's lap. I used to just start hitting "0" zero repeatedly and that used to work. Not with this sight - apparently it was wise to that trick.

All I want are my stupid pills.....now.

Screw the fucking IRS and my Husband

OK, So hubby and I had the Taxes done today and what happened you ask. We have to pay a total of $1200 to the IRS. I know that we cashed out some stocks and 401k but i had put the money aside for the taxes and slowly my husband found that certain things were more important to buy rather than not touch that money, i wanted to put in new Doors with the money that we had but nooooooo. We can wait he says and now we don't even have a return for use to pay for the home owner's insurance and the the 2 car insureance's that are due in about a month or so and not to mention the excise tax's that are due soon too. uuuugggggghhhhhh
I wish he would just listen to when i speak and try to tell him that his ideas are not always best. Now we both hve to suffer over this.

To My Wife

Darlin Wife,

Why is it that whenever something has to be done I am the one who has to do it??? Last night I had my WW Meeting and I wasn't going to be home until after 7. I knew that I'd be home late and YOU knew that every Thursday I have my meeting so I asked you to take something out of the freezer and pop it in the micro so it would be thawed when I got home. I was starving and wanted to be able to make dinner so do you think in the HOUR AND A HALF that you were home you could of done this?! Nope!!!!! Instead you pull the "i didn't know what to take out" bullshit. So now it's 7:30 and I have to defrost porkchops, shake & bake them so we don't eat until 8:15!!! THEN you have the NERVE to get pissy with me because our daughter was up late!!!! Are you fucking kidding me?

On Friday's I go to Yoga/Pilates at the gym. I've been doing it every Friday for the last month. So last night you decide to throw a little fit about how if I go then that means our daughter will be at my parents house "having fun" and she won't be in bed on time. I realize she's grounded and that she's supposed to be in bed by 7 as part of said punishment. If I went to Yoga I would get out at 6:30 and I'd be home around 7, but dinner wouldn't be ready so she'd have to stay up and eat. Why? because you're too fucking lazy to get off your ass and MAKE dinner!!!!! So instead you'll sit on the couch and watch tv or play on the computer until *I* get home and make dinner!

So now I have to skip my yoga class and come straight home after work so that our daughter can be home, fed and in bed by 7 because she's grounded. Hey, what do you care, you're not the one missing out on anything now are you???????

GET OFF YOUR ASS AND MAKE YOUR OWN GOD DAMN DINNER!!!!!!!!

While you're at it clean the house too.

MR. Groundhog...

...DID NOT SEE HIS SHADOW!

Damn it... that means an early spring.
GRRRRRRRRRR

WHERE IS MY SNOW?
WHERE ARE MY SNOWMEN?
WHERE IS MY SLEDDING?
WHERE ARE MY SNOW ANGELS?
WHERE ARE MY SNOWBALL FIGHTS?

Is it wrong to be a little pissed off at Mother Nature?

Or perhaps I should just make some GROUNDHOG STEW!
Dinner anyone...?

Insure me that I won't go insane....

What is with Insurance Companies??? For the last year I have been taking Ovcon 35 - the pill. I have been taking it to regulate my periods - which had become WAY too heavy and were seriously getting in the way of living my life. Miracle pills, they are! I went from having to wear 2 Super Plus Tampons and a Super Maxi Pad (all at the same time) and changing numerous times per day - I would literally go thru 2 boxes of Pearl tampons (at nearly $5 a crack) to no tampons whatsoever, and maybe 3 pads per day (if that) But I digress.....so all along my insurance company has taken care of the majority of the cost - with me having to make a co-pay of about $40 per month. Long about Oct. for whatever reason - I was switched (by whom I don't know) to Balziva - which is the generic version of Ovcon 35. Not a big deal - and only $15 per co-pay! So along comes January. I am due for my yearly - and will be getting a new prescription. I procrastinate and cannot get in until Feb 1. Meanwhile, I need a refill on The Pills. I email Walgreens and they will take care of it. Then I get an email back saying that the insurance company is looking for what they call a "Prior Authorization". I have no clue what this is - so I am thinking that Walgreens is taking care of it. They are not. Apparently my Dr.'s office needs to fax something to the insurance company before they will "Authorize" it. Now did anyone inform my Dr.'s office of this? No. So a week goes by - I now need the pills - yet I cannot get them (unless I want to pay the full amount - which is $90 - FOR GENERIC!!!) Finally I call the Insurance Co. and they update me on what they need. I call the Dr.'s office - give them the fax # so they can fax "the form". Which they do - last Friday. Then again this past Monday. Still - nothing. I call the insurance co. yesterday - and after 20 minutes in their "automated system" I finally get to speak to a real live person! She says there has been nothing received - even though it has been faxed twice now. She sets up a "case number" so that it will be easier. At this point my appt. is the next day, so I'm figuring we will start from scratch. I have the appt. today - get the new prescription (and a free sample to hold me over). Take the prescription to Walgreens - who says they still are waiting for this "prior authorization". WTF??? I have never been in such a screwed up system as this. I can't even imagine what it is like for people with catastrophic illnesses who have to battle for their very lives. I mean, I know this is small potatoes, but it is so frustrating! They have been paying all along - and NOW they need to authorize it??? I know, I know "Thank God you have insurance.....many don't". I am thankful - and will be even more so when this gets taken care of. That's my rant - for today anyway